A few things. One, I feel like tumblr is the only place I can actually write for myself anymore. Anytime I write something somewhere else I feel as if a thousand eyes and voices and opinions are looking at it and judging me and going to get hurt over something I say. So I come to tumblr if I have something I want to say without being judged because A) I know no one knows of my tumblr B) because most people scroll over writings on tumblr anyways and C) because well it just seems like a more free environment.
The next thing on my list of a rant tonight, is jealousy. I struggle with it at all times. Jealousy is when you are afraid that someone else can be better then you at making someone else happy. Someone can take away what you have and leave you with nothing. Jealousy is when someone else gets what you wish you had. And with me all those are true. I am afraid of loseing my friends to people who are close and can be more like them and aren’t so far away and so different and afraid to grow up. Everyone get’s there time. What do I get. Not much. I get yeah let’s hang, oh I am too busy, or oh I don’t feel good. Yet when other people want to hang, there is never a problem is there. Just when it seems to be my turn. I guess that is the reason I have never overcome jealousy because, there is always that happening leaving me to believe I don’t make you happy enough to want to be with me. I am jealous. Spend some time with me, make time for me. I think I deserve at least more then a couple hours a week.
